The good, bad, and horrific

Good

Mountains, beaches, awesome scenery, whales, seals, penguins, jet boats, cruises.

Bad

Our campervan contract did not permit us to go on unsealed roads.

Two weeks is nowhere near enough for the South Island.

Horrific

We saw dolphins on the first two days then they vanished.

There are no grizzlies, no coyotes, no lions, not even any snakes. However, the deep dark secret of New Zealand is that they are home to the equal worst man/woman eater on the planet. Sand flies.

These ecotourist terrorists are seriously not fun.

Ooooh, look at that beautiful stream, these flowers, that mountain range, let's get out of the van and take some photos.  Then wham. 5 gazillion sand flies have latched on to you, your clothing, your camera, everything.

Looking through the view finder you see nothing but "All Black" . Did I forget to take the lens cap off again? No. The cause is Sand Flies trying to eat your lens. But the main problem is that every millimetre of your flesh is now red, itchy and expanding rapidly. You look like a red Michellen man ballooning out of control.

The dolphins probably just had enough.

[photos censored by NZ tourism board]

Last Supper

Still in Dunedin. Trawled all the non-snearable artist galleries and one that wasn't.

Lost a couple of hours looking at... Shags, seals, birds. The wind was incredible.

Arrived at Fleurs world famous boat shack. As expected, it was the best meal of the trip.

Speed Wildlife

Tricia, van, rally cross, me shaken till unconscious, screeching stop. Te Anau to Dunedin, job done.

I then cruised us along the insanely scenic Portabello road to the albatross and other stuff cruise while Tricia checked her emails???

The previous victims disembarked the cruise boat and squeezed gallons of water from their clothing. It's rough out today.

This surely means Tricia's lucky streak is about to end.

She sat at the front. Now this is really asking for it. Hold on a minute, she's sitting right next to me.

The boat heaved all over the place, tons of bird life, a few Albatross, but still no lunch. And we didn't get wet. Apparently the last group got unlucky when hit by one giant wave.

Speed to eco tour #2, the penguin trenches. We sneaked around in the trenches and peaked out at the nests. Chicks and adults.

Speed to eco tour #3 the Albatross viewing. Gulped a coffee and pie in the 5 minutes we had to spare.

This is awesome. 270 degree views down the bay to sunset over Dunedin and right around to the Albatross runway. Sometimes they pass so close to the window you could reach out and touch them.

Speed to eco tour #4 the fully operational 1880 Armstrong cannon. This was constructed to defend against the imminent Russian invasion. OZ had them too. It's an eco tour because the gun cannot be fired due to nesting albatross right outside.

Speed to eco tour #5 the penguin parade.

Much smaller viewing platform than Phillip Island but a far superior experience. Especially with sunset over the bay.

Speed to the motel we phoned in between tours.

Double Vision

In the common traditions of both Irish and Maori, we went on the Doubtful Sound cruise,  twice.

Irish version: to be sure,  to be sure.

Maori version: Hari Hari, Pu Pu Springs,  ...  and a thousand other repeat names like that.

The cruise was so good they couldn't drag Tricia off the boat. After she chatted up the Skipper, again, we got to sail all afternoon as well as the morning.

Two,  now bright red faces (wind burn) suggest we will regret this.

But we did see baby humpback, twice. And an adult just showing off.

Plus the usual suspects of penguins and seals.

Where have all the dolphins gone?

The restaurant at the end of the universe, perhaps.

Sunny in Milford Sound too

Had brecky watching the paragliders land at Queenstown. Lunch at a rustic gallery and coffee shop. Did the late cruise down Milford Sound. Booked for Doubtful Sound tomorrow.

A glorious sunny day.

A sunny day in the south

The jet boat trip from Wanaka was a relaxing way to spend 4 hours. A short beech forest hike to waterfall was included.

We then went to Queenstown.

We had no idea that Queenstown could be sunny. Or that it has Botanic gardens.

It turned out that the ducks were decoys for the sand flies to inflict yet more pain to Tricia. I'm not sure she thinks the 500 duck photos were worth it.

Some people were swimming!! Unbelievable based on our previous Arctic experiences here.

Dinner with a view as usual.

Epic Rain

We woke to light rain.

After the Greymouth museum and the wakiakatitatakitataki jade shop we headed for the glaciers.

At the town of Franz Joseph it was pouring as we pulled up outside a Cafe. The Cafe turned out to be a jewellery shop but 2 doors up was a bakery.

We got soaked getting into the bakery.

Where's the loo? Oh, sorry it's across the road and 200 metres to the left.

The rain became torrential. Everyone was hysterical with laughter about my condition when I returned. Waterfalls were still gushing from my hair 10 minutes later.

Haast us an amazing beauty spot in low cloudy conditions.

The Haast pass is even more stunning.

We broke for dinner then had a serene lakeside drive to Wanaka. Jet boat booked for tomorrow.

Bat Out Of Hell

The weather forecast was for an indeterminate number of sunny 27 degree days, so we left the paradise of Abel Tasman NP, Golden Bay,  and Farewell Spit.

After 2 brecklunches we switched driver. This was the first time the van was introduced to Tricia's right foot and left hand.

If I drive like a laid back Bob Marley song, then Tricia drives like a raw force just unleashed from the starting gates of Hell.
I had no idea that all gear changes could be done at 30kph higher than me. The engine was screaming but did not explode. At least we could no longer hear any wind noise.

Corners can be taken as a series of g-force zip zags rather than a single smooth gentle sweep, who'd have thought.

I relocated the tourist info device so it was no longer between my head and the air bag.

For the first time this trip our van was able to overtake. The first two victims fled the road before being rammed to hell. The third panicked and pulled off into a ditch. Tricia played with the 4th like Orca play with a seal pup before killing it.

The Top 10 Tourist Park at Greymouth is now adorned with 30 meters of parallel black rubber skid marks where our journey came to a "scrape your face off the windscreen" end.

I don't think the air bags are working.

The next 5 days here are forecast for thunderstorms.

Sunset was nice. It was the time today it felt safe to do anything with my hands other than grip on for impending death.

Bob Marley

Went beach hiking then drove a short distance to a dusty little car park at the Farewell Spit Cafe.

Attached are pics of the back as we pulled in and then the front where we had lunch.

Bob Marley style music was playing.

Fear conqueror

A slow day.

Overcast.  Saw some caves at one of the sites of The Hobbit.

Crossed the hills to the northern side of The Abel Tasman NP.

Joined 5 other vans in a brand new 150 van caravan park.

Did a hike to the Wanui falls. Tricia met another of her phobii and conquered!

Beautiful one day...

We were picked up from our caravan park by the water taxi. At that time it was being towed by a tractor. We hopped in the back of the boat.

Then straight into the ocean and off.

After a sardine tin experience,  we were dropped off at our beach inside the Abel Tasman National Park.

I had a snorkel. Saw one plain fish. While Tricia chatted up the skipper of a very nice sailing catamaran.

We then got to sail for the rest of the day in paradise.

Abel Tasman National Park

Simply heaven.